Reading lesson 19 of the Master Keys this week leads me to recall all the travels I have done in my life. For so many years while I was single I got a huge kick out of going to far away places, preferably on my own, in search of adventure and freedom. The best trip was unplanned and spontaneous. Sometimes I didn´t even tell anyone I had gone until I was back. My friends never understood how I could do that. They called me courageous. (and crazy).
I just felt unsatisfied, hungry, and kept repeating that pattern in search of peace. Peace in my soul. If only I could find the perfect beach, or the perfect company, the perfect hangout….
High on experiences but never at peace with myself. I met alot of people just like myself on those trips. Single backpackers travelling around the world; gatherers of memories that were unable to stay long in one place, always searching.
What were we looking for, really? What do you get from bungy jumps, safaris, fullmoon parties and surfing in shark infested waters?
A cause was missing, that is for sure. Seeking the effects without cause led to emptyness. Or the lack of cause in life led to seeking effects.
As I had my children all that changed. I couldn´t run anymore. I was grounded, wings clipped. A new journey started. Refreshing to let go of the egotrip and focus on another person instead of myself. At first I got a feeling like in the movies of prison bars slamming shut in front of me, but after a while I felt free. The existential worries were exchanged for diapers,bottles of milk, and sleepless nights. Now, a few years later, football practices, bedtime stories, homework etc etc is filling up my time.
But as the mist of breastfeeding hormones has cleared up, I am becoming aware of that old search for cause again. I believe this Mkmma course came to me at a time when I was ready to continue my “travels”. I am enjoying discovering my power and ability to control it.
As we have been told over and over in this course- thought is cause.
I concentrate my thoughts to find it.